Though he is still in a fictional Twitter jail because of a photoshopped picture of Howard Webb, Liverpool have reportedly accepted a bid from Hoffenheim for Ryan Babel. The following is a transcript of how we imagine Ryan's first conversation with Hoffenheim manager Marco Pezzaiuoli went.
Pezzaiuoli: Hello, Ryan! How are you? We really cannot wait to get you to Hoffenheim.
Babel: Lol do u have #Twitjails in Germany?
Pezzaiuoli: I'm sorry but I don't know what that is.
Babel: Smh how about The Boondocks? U have that?
Pezzaiuoli: Again, I have no idea what that is, Ryan. But I'm sure I can find out and make your arrival here more comfortable.
Babel: Btw are u signing me as a footballer or a rapper?
Pezzaiuoli: Do you rap?
Babel: Lolllllllllll yeah.
Pezzaiuoli: We're not signing you as a rapper.
Babel: Can I bring Perry Mystique with me?
Pezzaiuoli: Is that a person or a cologne?
Babel: He's on my label.
Pezzaiuoli: OK, then no.
Babel: Smh.
Pezzaiuoli: What does that mean?
Babel: I'm not sure, I just say it a lot.
Pezzaiuoli: Oh. Well. That's strange.
Babel: So you got the key to my #Twitjail cell?
Pezzaiuoli: What? No -- you're not actually in jail, Ryan. I'm pretty sure there's no such thing as #Twitjail. Anyway, we can't wait to get you here and do great things together, Ryan. We think you'll help the squad a great deal.
Babel: Whoa are u actually gonna play me???
Pezzaiuoli: If I get to a point where talking to you doesn't give me a headache, then yeah, maybe.
Babel: Smh.
Photo: Reuters
Gert van Doorn John Dowd John Draper Doug Dubach Ryan Dungey
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